A very wise acting teacher of mine in Manhattan said, “Sometimes we do our best work when we are sick or tired and feel that we can not go on,” when I found myself with a fever of 101 the evening of a performance. She went on to explain that our defenses are down and the actor is more accessible to the moments of life. She was correct as that evening my acting felt like flying on stage. Hiding away these past few years, I forgot that all my feelings of betrayal and abandonment only make me a richer person in the human experience. The hurt has burned away ego and allowed more clarity and perspective of my priorities: namely, the health and happiness of my little son and the life I build for us. Just like my stage experience, the depth of my vulnerability contributes to increased accessibility and sharing real moments with my fellow human being. I understand the universal experience of loss in a more profound manner because I have experienced it.
Our worth is not contingent upon being perfect, whole and painless. Private tapes play in our minds, “If I lose 20 lbs then I am worthy of love. If my bank account grows then I will feel safe enough to change jobs. If I work on myself a little more then I will be ready.” I propose that it is not about getting rid of the wounded parts that make us feel not good enough but transmuting the disappointments into the richness and humanity in our soul. Imperfect human experiences can lead us to perfect imperfection of heart and mind. Drop the excuses and let yourself out of the self-imposed prison to really live your life fully.