I should wait to apply for that position until I’m more qualified.
I should want to get married and have children.
I should work out more.
Sound familiar? If you ever find yourself making choices based on what others (parents, friends, religious leaders, co-workers, etc.) think you should do, rather than what your heart desires – then this column is for you. Each month we’ll feature questions from fabulous women like you who are ready to abandon the should’s and step into their most authentic life.
(Heather Strang, and co-author Brooke Emery, wrote the upcoming book Stop Shoulding On Yourself! A Woman’s Guide From Obligation to Inspiration. The book encourages women to live from an authentic and should-free space. So, grab a cup of tea and read on…who knows, you just might find some great ideas for your own life!)
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What should I do to get myself mentally, spiritually, emotionally and sexually ready before I enter the dating scene, after a 6-year relationship and 6-months of being single? -S.O Dear S.O.,
Congrats on wanting to prepare yourself wholly before attracting your perfect partnership! Just remember, there’s nothing you should do, only that which you want to do.
So first, sit quietly with yourself and ask, “Do I really want a relationship?” If the answer is an immediate “Yes,” and you feel certain this is something you want and not what society or the people around you think you should have, then you’re ready to get started.
I consulted with my co-author for Stop Shoulding On Yourself, Brooke Emery, (www.attractionboutique.com) about your question. Brooke has an amazing story, and used powerful manifestation techniques to attract her perfect partner and husband, Lee. In fact, they just had their first baby together!
Below are some of our recommendations for attracting the love you desire:
1) Learn to love men. Brooke introduced me to Understanding Men workshops through PAX programs. They provide you with powerful tools for embracing and loving men. Check it out at: www.KeysToMen.com
2) Forgive any man from your past that may have hurt you. Thank him for helping you get clear about what you do want. You can also perform a small ritual to signify this act of forgiveness. Find a quiet space, light a candle and write a letter to each man (if there’s more than one), letting out everything you want to say. No matter what you’ve written, end the letter with forgiveness, love and gratitude. Then, go to your kitchen or bathroom sink and burn the letter. As you’re burning it, say, “I release you and I forgive you. Thank you for teaching me and showing me what I need to know.”
3) Get clear about what your ideal partner looks like by writing a list of 100 or more qualities that he needs to possess in order to be your perfect partner. In February’s O magazine, Martha Beck encouraged women to dig deep, making a list that comes from the soul, not a shallow place. This means, less about his facial hair (or lack thereof) and more about how he shows up in his life and how he treats you. Once your list is written, put it away in an envelope, and don’t revisit it. Allow the law of attraction to begin working for you.
4) Start connecting with your future partner’s soul. Try a magnetizing exercise from the book Soul Love by Sanaya Roman. Imagine a coil coming from your heart and going to the heart of your ideal mate.
5) If you want to live with your partner, start preparing your house for two people. This opens up the space for him to come into your life.
6) Surround yourself with friends that LOVE men and support you in attracting your partner.
7) Spend 5 minutes each day visualizing this partnership. Feel how good it is to be in relationship with a man who is the right fit for you. Brooke advises that when you do meet people that are less than perfect for you, use it as an opportunity to get more clear about what you do want. There’s no need to feel discouraged, each person comes into your life to teach you powerful lessons.
8) Check out events and activities that inspire you. You never know who you might meet!
9) For a yummy take on being your most amazing, sexual self, check out Sheri Winston of the Center for Wholistic Sexuality. (www.sheriwinston.com). Sheri is the queen on how to create a juicy, satisfying sexual life. I can spend hours on her Web site; it’s chock full of must-have goodies.
Most importantly, be in love with yourself. Every day, look in the mirror and say out loud, “I love you.” This is a powerful exercise that helps to not only build your self-esteem but empowers you to make loving choices for yourself.
Also, don’t take yourself too seriously. Have fun with this. Be completely unattached to when your guy will show up, simply know that he will. And, as always, only follow the suggestions above if they feel perfect for you.
Much love & blessings,
Heather