Planning Love Dates by Wendy Strgar

Planning love dates can add excitement to the rest of the week.  Looking forward to an intimate time which can but doesn’t have to include full on sex can be both relaxing and stimulating.    Couples that are struggling to find physical connection may find it easier to agree to mutual massages than envisioning hours of lovemaking.   Either way, setting aside time and energy for your partner sends a message that sustains commitments.  While my husband and I don’t have set days of the week, we do agree to “dates” either later in the day or the next day.  Setting this time for love making becomes part of the foreplay and gives permission to entertain thoughts that might come in handy later.

Inventing a shared language for intimacy connects partners.  Revisiting the art of flirting can spice up even the most common of conversations, “What’s for dinner?” suddenly has multiple meanings.   We are more playful with each other when we are waiting for our date time.  Unfulfilled or even worse, conflicting expectations about intimacy are often the most difficult ground for couples to maneuver.  This is where communication is the currency of the relationship on every level.

Learning to schedule time for love requires that we acknowledge and are willing to talk about our sex life together.  This is challenging because the taboo is so strong against speaking honestly and openly about sex.   Yet developing a language for love is one of the strongest predictors of having a good sex life.  Couples who can talk about what they want or prefer in their physical lives, may actually be able to get it.   Code words are ok, they may even add some excitement to the game.   First and foremost,  make time to play.